Spiritual Abuse consists of experiences that distort or retard a child's spiritual development. When a parent demands to be the child's higher power by being overly controlling and disrespectful of the child's reality or by demanding perfection, that child suffers spiritual abuse. When parents do not follow established family rules and values or when the rules and values are hidden or always shifting, children are spiritually abused. This form of abuse also occurs when a religious representative (minister, priest, rabbi, deacon, Sunday School teacher, choir director) abuses a child in any way, or when a parent is addicted to religion or neglects or abandons a child.
Emotional
Emotional abuse occurs when a parent ignores, terrorizes, blames, belittles, or otherwise makes a child feel that he's worthless and incompetent. The American Medical Association AMA describes Emotional Abuse as: "when a child is regularly threatened, yelled at, humiliated, ignored, blamed or otherwise emotionally mistreated. For example, making fun of a child, calling a child names, and always finding fault are forms of emotional abuse." [more]
(from The Emotionally Abused Woman, by Beverly Engel)
"Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased." (p. 10)
Engle uses the following ten items as characteristics of emotional abuse...even though some are more directed at husband/wife relationships, I know I've experienced a great deal of them with my parents as well...
Domination: A dominator needs to control everything. He decides who you talk to, where you go, what you wear, how much money you have, what you do and when. They frequently will use anger or threats to get what they want from you. They have all the rights, you have none (p. 13).
Verbal Assaults: An abuser will use "berating, belittling, criticism, name calling, screaming, threatening, blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation." (p 14). These assaults induce fear in the victim and passivity.
Abusive Expectations: Many abusers use constant demands to wear down their victim. They require constant attention, emotionally, physically and sexually. Their victim is expected to drop everything and everybody else to meet the immediate demands of the abuser. Since it is impossible to meet ALL of anyone's needs, no matter what the victim does it will not be good enough, resulting in constant criticism (p. 15).
Emotional Blackmail: An abuser uses manipulation and coercion to control their victim. They find it easy to use guilt, fear, or even the victims caring feelings towards him to manipulate situations to get what they want. Threats of ending the relationship or giving the "silent treatment" are forms of emotional blackmail (p. 16).
Unpredictable Responses: To keep his victim constantly on edge, an abuser will suddenly change his mood or demands. The victim never knows what to expect. When you think he will react one way he will often react just the opposite. This prevents an opportunity for the victim to feel any sense of stability (p. 17).
Constant Criticism: Through constantly finding fault, the abuser wears down the ability of the victim to believe she has any worth or ability to think for herself. Over a period of time he is able to convince his victim that she is incapable of managing on her own (p. 17).
Character Assassination: According to Engel, character assassination "Occurs when someone constantly blows your mistakes out of proportion; gossips about your past failures and mistakes and tells lies about you; humiliates, criticizes, or makes fun of you in front of others; and discounts your achievements." (p. 17-18).
Gaslighting: This is a technique of trying to make the victim believe she is insane. The victim is told that things she thought happened, didn't; that things that were said, weren't. A subtle attack is made on the ability of the victim to recall things properly. Her honesty or sanity is called into question (p. 18-19).
Constant Chaos: Constant arguments and conflict are used to create chaos and instability. As soon as things are calm, individuals who are addicted to chaos will instigate a fight to satisfy their inability to live in peace. By doing this they force those around them to live in the same chaos. Eventually everyone becomes uncomfortable with peace and calm (p. 19).
Financial Abuse occurs when money is used to control or limit one person. The victim is expected to account for all expenditures. Money, food, clothes, even medicine can be withheld at the whim of the person holding the bank book. The abuser may always find money for his interests and hobbies but the bills don’t get paid or essentials are not provided. Some abusers will insist the partner stay at home and not be out in the workforce but not acknowledge the work done in the home. If value is seen only through how much money one makes then the person staying at home becomes devalued.
Social
Social abuse occurs when a parent directly or indirectly interferes with the child's access to peers, when children aren't allowed to have friends visit or are afraid to have them visit because of family secrets, or when their parents' addictions are so out of control that the children must stay home to do the housework.
Intellectual
Intellectual Abuse occurs whenever a child's thinking is attacked or ridiculed and when parents present themselves as perfect, in complete control, and without doubts and uncertainties. When parents rigidly set forth their beliefs and ideas as absolute truth and are unwilling to share their doubts or to tolerate children's ideas and perceptions, those children are intellectually abused. When they are not taught that having problems is a normal part of life and are not given problem-solving skills, children suffer in their intellectual development. Intellectual abuse also occurs when children are not supported in developing ideas and beliefs that differ from those of their parents.
Neglect
Neglect can include (but are not excluded to) the following actions [more] :
starving or failing to provide adequate food for a child
not providing adequate housing or warm clothing in cold weather
locking a child in a closet or room (and "lock" does not mean there has to be an actual lock on the door, threats can be as good as a lock)
leaving a child alone for extended periods of time
not providing medical care when a child is sick or injured
placing a child in a physically dangerous situation
forcing a child outdoors or in a garage, shed all day or night
